the castle
your finger sliding into mine, full of liquid.
i feel like pissing

a skim of love

how intimate... how seductive...
it is ultimately sultry

please treat me like your toy, put the cream onto my nipple.
lick it, lick it from my ear lobe to my neck.

let me teach you how to use your tougue tenderly
in my castle. which is built of sand.

princess.. oh dear
your love is price-less


i will wrap you like a baby. thy eye.
your gentle fondle
shown your caress...

i then know it's like making love.
you hug me


we sleep, i shout. i want it simple too.
i embrace your sperm.

如果說電影節是我的某些生存信仰,也不為過。
復活節等於電影節。



用楊德晶的《一一》開始了今年的電影節,是多麼的漂亮。
我們都覺得《一一》在生命不同的時候看,你所感不同。我今次看到的是生存。
上次看到是死亡。
一次一次
a one and a two and a three and a four
這片子作結束,他生命也少了遺憾。
只是,《一一》在台灣並沒有上映。

NJ其實很楊德晶,好像把他年代的一些什麼,都看透了。
又還是... 像
我說等待果佗吧。

都很悲涼。


洋洋問父親：「我們是不是只能知道一半的事情？我只能看到前面，看不到後面，這樣不是就有一半的事情看不到了嗎？」

我想像洋洋,對生命有一種未知。可是卻只不過是婷婷。自私又愚昧。
可是更像敏敏, 生命都過了一半。還是不能悟出什麼。
工作,不工作。每天都一樣子,是否白活了。

所以我拍照。用菲林片,因為你可以有所期待。以時間,去換取未知。
結果如何,不要緊。按下快門小心翼翼的瞬間,就感覺生命。


這是我學習洋洋的。


當然《一一》並不是我最喜歡的電影。但我也說不出何謂最愛。

shall we?

the river bother me. it splits our connection.

i hate them, flow of cliche. their dialogue, their body movement.
i think i really hate them.

by going into the supemarket next to the gas station, i chose to pick up my weapon.
by chance i have met such a boy.
by chance i am losing him like my days.


you stole my lipstick
put it into my vagina
they melt

to stimulate your desire


who kills the love? are they like a ratty sock?

the mice, on the ice.
cutting the vein


and cutting and cutting and flooding

你根本理得我去死。
我不過一文不值。


真的很討厭
討厭你
我要討厭你
討厭討厭

the death of sunlight/cell

capture the light, your cell of loneliness gone.
the shadow the shadow and the shadow

the body of lust

sun, sun shine, and your hidden lust

drift along my shape, walk across the mystery. you've found me. lying on your arms.

i love you.

i love you.

i really dun mind

even you treat me badly.

bcoz i simply love your smell and body.

you represent the sunlight.

abortion
who controls the final decision
me

she is/was, killing herself and their love.
she hates herself. she hates love.
my temperature finally drops. the good_____________________________________________________________________________________-bad sign?



the 10 days, the journey is very uneasy for me
this is the full moon, and what was she waiting for?

eight(perhaps nine?) years ago, she lost part of her kinship. she went to the hospital alone.


that was the 11th, March, 1999. she can't even remember the year.
rest in peace, rest in my place. worm. womb.



they both, being abandoned by this earth. washing from the soil.
where are you going?
smell the dew, smell those
ash


the sour, made her hard to breathe
she lacks of a shoulder for her to wail.
she is lack of something about life. she learnt death. she thought she learn...

and this is so incomplete.

for a very long period of time, i think i m tough. she still exists.

does anyone tell me, what have i longing for?
where does my sense of loss coming from?
i shall, or should i, be a stronger breed?


the myth of kinship, who has cut that without my permission?
whom blood submerged my body, whom they were.


excess loss of blood, and my pale body.
light weighted, shimmery color
she
touches
the mute soul



who wants me.
who, does want someone like me?








why, your temperature drops... just 0.7 degree.
the nature/constructed female body.


give it a life.




March 9th-10th, 2008

堅持

如果有選擇,我用筆,或菲林片。
我有的,是對手工藝品的堅持。

你或許沒有試過,墨水筆的流暢。但還是應該有對生命的堅持。

當然Mont Blanc現在已被Richemont收購,但有些堅持他們不放棄。
而Leica的業務亦差不多被蔡司加Sony, 或Canon所取代。
但它們都有其歷史,有其堅持。


當你知道當德國的Leica廠一天只能生產一片鏡頭,你便明白他們對光學的堅持。
他們視相機為手工藝品。更不用說他們以前用人手打磨的年代。
我最喜歡Leica都沒有膠, 有的都是金屬或玻璃。是工業革命前的產品。


我捨得用很貴很貴的,買別人的一點堅持。
所以有一天你看到我用Chanel 2.55, 不要說我貪慕虛榮。人家的袋子,是手工藝,也代表了一個時代的結束。
或如果我開始玩mechanic表,你知道我的價值何在。


而我從很小很小的時候,便愛上了那個小紅點。就當是我的執迷吧。
我需要執迷不悟。物慾,於我不是被物化的,它們自有其獨特而透徹的生命。


追索物的源頭帶我進入了一個我/你的歷史。他於五十年前經歷了如何的多才走到我身邊?
當然有些時候一切都是因緣巧合,想也不能想太多。

gemini march horoscope by susan miller

If you do work in a creative field, you appear to be working on projects and ideas that are very new this month, bringing you down paths that have never been traveled before. Your role will be as innovator and pathfinder, and a big part of what you are doing involves putting your stamp of individuality on all that you do. No one could possibly slide into your job. It is apparently all you, from top to bottom. Uranus will see to that. It is also possible that it involves new technology, and if so, you're right on course.

*** *** ***

If you do break up, you'll be freeing yourself to move forward. If you decide to stay in your relationship, it will be because you have amassed plenty of evidence that you are completely adored for who you are - unconditional love feels great. Full moons like this do not create destined results - they simply present information clearly. The final decision will be completely in your hands, and most importantly, dear Gemini, chances are that you will make precisely the right decision. There has to be a great comfort in knowing that!

*** *** ***
it almost concludes my situation now.