EX-

i could not even express my sadness. not a man being thrown onto this world. but the being of himself is totally excluded by others. whatever he works, whenever he smiles. there's no one cares.


i was not much unhappier than him. but what else should i be? indifference too.
i feel him totally. i was surprisingly feeling very similar to his being. and, without noticing what's wrong with me. shall i pity myself not being so damn busy and to complain every thing in the world. as long as i life, SHOULD i ever complain to anyone of my boring life? who needs my notorious lies?


until, i accidentially killed someone.
until, i m in a jail.
until, i m going to escape from the sunny skies.
eye sees through the gate... miles away the ice was melting...
not until the day i've been killed. not until then i m given back my freedom. no longer bond by words. no longer bond by the moral judgement. no longer bond by the preculiar trauma i had gone through. how delightful will be that dreaming day arrived. for how long i hv been waiting for that day, when my day comes. i m suffering. i m fucking suffering by my innocent tone of voice. i really hate my voice. i really do not matter who is finally around me when my big day is come.


for my own sake i might have to be silent. and there's nothing worth to tell, in spite of the dizzy feeling within me. it keeps me from thinking the universe properly. i lost my sense of doing thing correctly. i act like a robot.


i act like a robot, i need my reboot. i can react if you need my reflect actions in your presumed way of thinking. iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ........ we don't need to entertain each other. at the end things just happened. what really made the difference at the end, i wonder. who stupidly told you he would change the world. is HE God? does GOD also make a robot like me? a distorted humanity, a bodily whore. if i ever lie to you, because i know my day has come and i really dont want to bother you anymore.

i excluded myself. i could not put myself back to the machinery. if you care, this is my very honest feeling. if you really care. i m asking for sickness. the thing which made ppl concern and care more about you, but your body actually.


wheres the exclusion from? i m tired of it.




the negative energy drives me now. no no not negative. the very intuitive driver in my brain. i cannot control the monster and stop typing. because me is no longer me. i type, therefore i see myself here. if i would not, i will lose my trace of thinking. this is prehaps in a big mess, like a deep well full of undistinguishable liquid of wisdom and hatred. the best and maybe the worst thing in the history. i see myself jumping in and out the liquid, but not getting wet miraclulously. i closed my eyes, feel the cold splash onto my face and bare body. some of my sense informed me i am still alive. despite mentally i feel i am not.


what a dream. not, i flied again. i SHALL be here. not there and then i shall be here again.